Yesterday started off with tears.. In the playground as I dropped thunderpants off. I was sad to leave her knowing that she was off in to the world , happy and unknowing of what kind of day lay ahead for me. But I told myself that I was being selfish, I was trying to satisfy my needs etc.
I came home and tried to hide the tears from my husband but the more I tried the faster they came. I apologized for being upset trying to come up with excuses, reasons for it happening and promising that I will get better soon. He though, told me to stop all of that, and that he feels that i am not as bad as I seem to think and that things will get better that it won’t be like this forever. He is my rock.
I had an appointment scheduled for 1pm at the Mother and Baby Unit, i left at 12:30 and met with one of the nurses who talked with me for over an hour. We are going to try and get the same doctor who did my CBT and do some top up sessions, and I was told that I would be fully supported by the unit and to call any time. I felt a bit more settled and reassured and I have to say that today has been a better day. I talked with the midwife who came out, as well as my husband and although I had a little cry it was more for relief than anything.
I have been given a new anti biotic though which brings my total pill intake up to 10… I don’t think I have ever been on so many pills at one time..
So this is where I am at just now.. having good days and bad. I think when I have a bad day it makes it more difficult to cope or to believe that I will get better but then i immediately turn that thought into a positive one and look a the good that I have achieved in that particular day such as getting out of the house, or doing some cooking, visiting or having friends over. With every negative, there are more positives and its that which is going to help me beat this..