Catherine Zeta Jones, Syria and The Media

When did it become acceptable for Catherine Zeta Jones & Michael Douglas’s marriage split to be breaking news? I think you could have knocked me down with a fucking peacock feather when I opened up my sky news app , only to see this shit staring back at me. I mean come on! What about all that is happening in Syria and the rest of the world?? People are dying and we are preoccupied with celebrities? I admit to not keeping up to date every day on the situation as much as I should but for frick sake and  to use one of my most hated terms, REALLY?!

What have we become? I was further enraged when I happened upon “Daybreak”.. the topical (?) programme that’s on in the morning and they were featuring Penny whats her face who is married to Rod Stewart. She was talking to a woman from the states who was very well off , had loads of plastic surgery and who’s children who were 11 and 15. The 11 year old boy said that if he had a girlfriend and her nose was a bit crooked, as long as they were serious , he would suggest plastic surgery. The daughter said that she would get her boobs done when she was older because her mum said that she “had none”.

Imagine , passing on your insecurities to your young children and encouraging them to have an unhealthy self image?! Why not work on self confidence, self image and accepting yourself as you are? Instead of forking out thousands of pounds on plastic surgery, why not invest it in developing some sense of self worth? The father said that he would do anything for hi children and that money was no object.. This makes me sad because all the money in the world will not make you happy if you don’t think you are “good enough”.

I find myself watching TV less and less these days, especially after seeing an episode of celebrity big brother and one of the young girls saying that she believes that she would be a good wife due to knowing how to give a fantastic blow job. THIS is the world that we are bring our kids up in these days. This is what some of our young kids aspire to be like. When did this happen? I see my own daughter looking at the older high school kids, with their skirts hiked half way up their arses, and asking me when I say no, why she cant look like a big kid. This household is in no way perfect, far from it but I try hard to instill values and a lot of them feminist ones but once they go out the door, try as you might, you can’t stop others having an influence on them. All we need to do is hope that what she takes from us is enough to give her the confidence and strength that she needs but if it goes arse up, that we are here to support her.

Rant of the day over…


Feeling Good

This morning I feel no dread. For anyone who has experienced post natal depression and hates waking up to the routine of sterilising bottles, making up formula,breast feeding, etc etc, the “routine” of it all can be quite depressing. Well it is for me.

However, I got up at 07:30am with thunderpants, made us both breakfast whilst bubble butt was still sleeping and finished as he was waking. I think I want to do this each morning as it helped get us ready but at a not so rushed pace… Although we just made it in time as thunderpants is a dreamer and needs 5 asks before she will get dressed etc.

So today will involve a doc appointment, coffee with a friend, possibly some yoga and a walk to school as its so sunny outside.

One day at a time is proving to be successful, and I am definitely getting there. Thanks to twitter and friends, I have really had a lot of support which I want to reward once completely better.

The Ups&Downs of PND

Yesterday started off with tears.. In the playground as I dropped thunderpants off. I was sad to leave her knowing that she was off in to the world , happy and unknowing of what kind of day lay ahead for me. But I told myself that I was being selfish, I was trying to satisfy my needs etc.

I came home and tried to hide the tears from my husband but the more I tried the faster they came. I apologized for being upset trying to come up with excuses, reasons for it happening and promising that I will get better soon. He though, told me to stop all of that, and that he feels that i am not as bad as I seem to think and that things will get better that it won’t be like this forever. He is my rock.

I had an appointment scheduled for 1pm at the Mother and Baby Unit, i left at 12:30 and met with one of the nurses who talked with me for over an hour. We are going to try and get the same doctor who did my CBT and do some top up sessions, and I was told that I would be fully supported by the unit  and to call any time. I felt a bit more settled and reassured and I have to say that today has been a better day. I talked with the midwife who came out, as well as my husband and although I had a little cry it was more for relief than anything.

I have been given a new anti biotic though which brings my total pill intake up to 10… I don’t think I have ever been on so many pills at one time..

So this is where I am at just now.. having good days and bad. I think when I have a bad day it makes it more difficult to cope or to believe that I will get better but then i immediately turn that thought into a positive one and look a the good that I have achieved in that particular day such as getting out of the house, or doing some cooking, visiting or having friends over. With every negative, there are more positives and its that which is going to help me beat this..


PND Progress….

Its been 2 days since I had the conversation with the midwife. She was true to her word and called the doctor yesterday morning as well as the mother and baby unit which  got the wheels in motion and began the start of my recovery.

I went in at 10:30am and spoke to the doctor about how I was feeling, whilst i was there he also dictated an email to his secretary to send off that afternoon and although he knew that the midwife had also made contact, he said that it wouldn’t hurt. I think it was at this time I finally saw a change in the “system” and how different it had been from my previous experience with PND. I came away with an increased dose of anti depressants, vitamin C, folic acid and iron tablets.

After that, I went to the chemist, did a food shop and visited with a friend who conveniently lives on my street, productive day. I started yesterday morning off in tears as i couldn’t get Thunderpants organized in time for school, couldn’t find her gym shorts and was in a blind panic with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t want her to go to school and leave me alone, I didn’t want my husband to go to work.. I just wanted to be with my family but life goes on and I had to face up to everything.

I’m pleased to say that the day ended on a better note.. kind of. I had to go back tot he doctors as I was having very bad headaches , feeling cold and generally unwell. The doc took my blood pressure and it turned out that it was very high and started me on tablets right away. I went home and took a bath , made a few calls and was trying to relax.. and that was when the clots started. I called NHS 24, spoke to a nurse 2 hrs later and was told to attend the out of hours service but I really should have contacted the midwives, unbeknown to me. … So off I went and I was told that i had an infection in my womb. Another course of tablets making it 8 prescriptions in total. But I was feeling better mentally. I may rattle if you push me with the amount of tablets that I have to take but its all for a good reason and i wonder how much has also contributed to my low mood.

Today my best friend came over with food to make sure that I was eating, and also an ear to listen. She has this knack of making me feel better , that my thoughts are valid and not silly despite the nonsense that I have had going round and round my head. She really listens and offers me so much support, I don’t know what I would do without her, a real star and I know that I could say anything to her and she wouldn’t judge or be shocked.

My husband and midwife said things today which has made me thing about my experience this time round. He said that I don’t remember how I was then but he does, and that I am definitely doing better as when I came home from hospital with Thunderpants, I hit a wall, lay on the couch, didn’t want to look or have anything to do with my daughter where as now I am as involved as he is. The midwife also pointed out that if I was the same or really bad, my husband wouldn’t be have gone back to work as he would have been too worried that I couldn’t cope.

There are so many differences this time round, I don’t feel that I am as bad as last time and I did the right thing by speaking out, as it got me help right away, I have an appointment with the mother and baby unit tomorrow and I have also found out that there is a group being run on a Wednesday morning that I will go a long to. For me its about searching for things to do, being  proactive and using any resources which are available.



Its Been A Long Time….(no not Led Zeppelin Lyrics)

I  hadn’t realized just how long it had  been since my last post! Goodness me, I remember the pressure I used to put upon myself to get a post out almost everyday! Hope you are all well and thanks for still reading despite the long gap.

I am still going through  hyperemesis, I had confused myself and thought that I was over the 16 week mark which was when it stopped with Thunderpants, and thought that i was going to have this for the whole pregnancy but after yesterday’s scan of the little one, I am in fact only 14+5 which means I have a whole week and 1 day to get over this! I actually want to go back to work and have a routine back! I always feel a bit naughty when i am off sick, as though I am doing something wrong but I really wouldn’t be able to sit and do my job with the constant sick feeling. However, I am optimistic and it has improved slightly so I am grateful for the small things. Unfortunately though, it has greatly affected my moods but since last week and the release of a burden, this has changed a lot of things and I am feeling really good  and very positive although watching and monitoring how I feel as obviously PND isn’t far from my thoughts. I guess you cant really let it define you and there is so much more to me and I know that I have done some really good work and met some wonderful people though that , on twitter,Facebook and face to face.

So apart from that, I have started thinking about times ahead, new seasons and next year plus concentrating on quality friendships that I  have in my life. We are now coming in to Autumn/Fall which I love, love, love! I adore the crisp air, the smell of fires burning, leaves changing color and falling from the trees. I also enjoy Halloween and the anticipation of  the run up to Christmas. I have already starting pinning to a Pinterest board, some ideas for our annual Christmas BBQ and also lots of cooking ideas 🙂  We started having Christmas bonfire/BBQ’s  a few years back and I think last year was the best one yet. We showed the film “Elf” on a projector outside and had a bonfire in the back garden, I cooked up a storm and we had lots of friends round to share it with. This year I have plans of lanterns, Christmas cake, and even better decorations than last year! I hope to start part of the blog in dedication to something “Pinterest” like, I know a few of you do that already and I might try and “hop” on from time to time once I figure out what exactly it is that I want to call it ect.

So that’s me for now, still alive but still unfortunately surviving on whatever takes my fancy food wise from day to day… I hope that in a few weeks I will be able to say that I am “Hyperemesis ” free! But will just have to take things one day at a time. Luckily I have a great support network of women on Twitter who know and understand how it feels to just lie in bed day after day. Its not nice but it will get better:)




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