Birth Story Part Two..dun ,dun,dah!

So after filling you in on the mad dash to the hospital and the birth, I feel inclined to add more gory details. If you are squeamish look away now … And one final point, yes it was not great at the time but it was a quick delivery and we will get over it, a post I may or may not write.

After N was brought in to the world, His Daddy and I were told that I needed a few things done which was fine .. We had a lovely midwife who as I said before, was patient and very lovely really who kept reassuring me and telling me how well I did etc.

She talked me through all that was being done and it was possibly at this point when I started to go pale, and stopped talking. I felt absolutely shattered and felt as though I had no energy which to be honest after losing so much blood, it’s absolutely normal. I was so white that they were calling me Casper.

After explaining that I was in pain, I was given some pain relief and had a bite to Eat. I Started sending messages to friends and family and just enjoyed some time alone with baby N and his Daddy. It was nice to not feel rushed, it was so peaceful and relaxed despite what had happened previously.. So as the time was approaching 04:00, I told the husband to go and that I would see him in the morning.

It wasnt long after, that the pains were so intense that the first pain killers wore off quickly, so they gave me a stronger pain killer which worked magic. I now understand why some people get addicted to certain pain killers cause these things are great!

I then had a visit from Dr Man Hands… He said that he needed to check things due to still bleeding and being in pain… sweet Jesus! I never expected what happened next and in my still drug induced state, I was feeling it all! I can’t recall exactly what happened and in what order but my bladder wasn’t draining which required a catheter and the Dr doing something that I think will take 20 years to get over! Ha ha!

After this, I was taken to recovery , had something to eat and saw the return of DR Man Hands and a new midwife who was pretty funny, and insisted that I use the gas and air this time. Lordy Lordy it was amazing!!!!! Why had I not used it previously? I never knew that I could talk like a gremlin!

I told the doctor that I could see his shift was nearly over and would he like to by pass me as I told him that if he was going to put me in pain again, to be prepared for the consequences… My legs were working and I wasn’t afraid to use them.

Last CBT Session!

This Friday see’s the last session of my CBT session at the Mother and Baby unit in The Southern General, sniff sniff. Its gone by fast and I am really proud of myself and what I have achieved so far. I remember thinking at one point that I felt I hadn’t really made a lot of progress but its about what you put into it that matters and I put my heart and soul as I wanted to make significant changes in my life.

I also feel that I had a great relationship with my therapist, which counts for a lot because you don’t want to divulge information to someone that you don’t feel comfortable with, its not how the therapeutic relationship works. Although they don’t tell you the answers and its all about how you yourself works through things, its helpful when someone can use unconditional positive regard and empathy where its needed. Also, I feel that my therapist was pretty darn good at challenging me, it was hard and there were tears but it was done at the right time and in the right circumstances. It did exhaust me and there were times when I didn’t want to attend but went because as I said, if you don’t put in the work, you will get bugger all at the end.

So how do I feel about ending my sessions? I feel good, I feel empowered and I feel positive about the future. As someone who has an HNC in counselling, it was difficult to change roles and be the client but once I was able to get over that and believe me it was very difficult as I was constantly going over things that I said , trying to self analyze etc that was when the hard work started. I learned so much about how I view the world, how I use values that I have been brought up with in positive and negative ways, how I used negative thinking styes in so many different aspects of my life and for so long. I feel like I am starting to see the world through different eyes and that I have woken from a hazy sleep.

I am under no illusion that I won’t at times slip back in to these ways of thinking or behaviors but I am aware when I am doing it and I have learned the skills, taught myself¬† really, how to get through them and to use positive self talk.¬† These are skills to have for life and at the beginning I was skeptical about CBT, but I realize it was a belief of someone else that I took on as my own , as it being the new fad for the NHS due to cost effectiveness. I used to be more into person centered, and I think that there will be a part of me that will always be, but sometimes you have to let go of the past. Yes it is of major value but sometimes dealing with the here and now can actually help you to deal with ghosts of the past.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...