My Business Plan..

Lately I have been thinking a lot about where I want to go and what I want to do with myself once I have completed my diploma next June… usually these thoughts come knocking a long with the insomnia and I have come to some conclusions… Money isn’t the be all and end all. Whaaaat? I hear you say… ok, let me explain.

I started my course in Complementary Therapies in June and I’ve always known for a while that this would be for me as I like the holistic approach to life, it ties in with previous course I did  in counselling, my constant quest of eating clean (going through a period of eating like a horse), and my love for exercise (also on back burner but getting on wagon today). So I have the tools and the means but its putting it all together The pieces of the puzzle are coming together but it’s a lot of hard work.

So here is my plan… We purchase the summer house within the next month, it goes up and gets decorated, I see clients there and I slowly pick up classes in business studies to create the service that I feel I want to deliver. I want to be able to work from home and work around the kids and family life.

The important part: Client base. Most people are happy to work in a salon etc and that’s great but I want to mainly work with people who are/have experiencing PND/Pre natal /post natal anxiety/PTSD and anxiety. I want to be able to provide an afford able service to people who really do need it. Some may even get a free experience based on their circumstances. The aim is to help in their healing process but not to have the anxiety of not being able to afford the treatments. I know what the oils can do, I had treatments when I was going through my journey and it just adds to any other type of therapy that someone is getting. Some people may think that it is silly to want to give out free treatments or charge for services  but I see it differently.  The power of touch is an amazing healing quality and if it helps people, I couldn’t care less about profit.

I will also be taking on all types of different clients but this is my main focus as will hopefully being able to work in a hospice or with people nearing end of life as I believe it to be a privilege to be with someone when they die. Strange to some but I wouldn’t agree.

This is where I am just now in life and study, a few things have been thrown into the mix but I’m getting there,  with lots of support from friends and family.. I wish I had done this sooner but things happen in life for reasons and I wasn’t meant to do this until now. Its been a test of strength and  think so far, I am passing! I love what I am going although there have been days where I could throw the covers over my head and stay in bed but I’m looking towards the future.

If anyone is reading this and is currently going through PND etc, please contact me for a free session, I have insurance and I will travel. There are some fantastic services out there, use them, me and use social media.  It was the through twitter that I got most help and tapped into things like PND hour with the lovely Rosey, midwife to mum and so many other very supportive people. You don’t have to go through this alone. My ear is always there as well as a shoulder for support.

Internet Trolls:You Can’t Silence Us

I’ve been blogging for a few years now, I started on blogger before I was encouraged to make the leap and go self hosted.

Along the way, my group of twitter friends has grown. I fall in and out with twitter and blogging but there are “constants” in the blogger and twitter sphere who if I met in person tomorrow, know that we would get on like a house on fire. One of these people, Kiran Chug, has recently been a target of on line trolls due to her believes in feminism and her right to bring her children up surrounded by these. I say enough is enough. She had to take a break from writing and the community of bloggers were left with a sense of loss because she is a fantastic writer and friend to many not to mention a fantastic support to quite a few!here is a link to that post and I do suggest that you read it.

She received messages such as being told that she should put her kids up for adoption amongst other things. To that person, I laugh at you and your cowardice ways that you need to hide behind a computer screen in order to verbally abuse a parent who cares enough about their kids to bring them up to love, care and respect women. You don’t even qualify for the term “bully”. I pity you for you are weak and pathetic.

Our community of support and respect will not deter us from bringing our kids (I have a girl AND a boy), with feminist values and I for one will continue to let my son wear his sisters high heels, make up and hair clasps should he wish to! You will not stop me/ us, from supporting our children’s independence and exploration of who they are and come to be. Gender is not dependant on clothing worn or toys that kids play with and the quicker people realise that, the better. If my children are gay, it’s not because of playing with toys not “designed” for their gender. If they are gay, I will be as proud of them as I am of them now.

Unite all bloggers who are feminists, parents, carers, friends because the trolls won’t win. Ignore and continue to do what you do because you do it well. As Kiran rightfully pointed out and as living proof, social media has helped me through PND twice and it will continue to help others time and time again.

Think about how you respond to someone next time you decide to ridicule because we will just ignore the negativity and become stronger against you/those who try to take us down, because we are stronger than you.

Getting Through PND

I thought I would write a post about what helped me through both experiences of PND and how different the experiences were but also the similarities.

I have gotten through my experience much quicker this time and I feel that it is down to a few reasons:

1. I recognised that I had prenatal depression and I spoke to my doctor and demanded to be seen at the mother an baby unit.

2. I had CBT throughout my pregnancy and it is amazing how much it helps you change negative thinking patterns. I was feeling more positive that if the PND returned, I was even more equipped to deal with it.

3. The realisation at week 28 of my pregnancy that my anxiety levels were high although depression gone and prompted me to start taking anti depressants. I started on sertraline as it was safe in pregnancy and also in breast feeding.

4. I knew that because I had gotten through it once before, that I could do it again.

5. This time round I didn’t fight it but I spoke to my midwife right away and explained how I was feeling. I made sure that I got help as soon as I felt down. I knew it wasn’t the “baby blues”, I trusted my gut.

6. I accepted that I had it again although devastated. However, I had to let that feeling of devastation happen and feel it in order for me to move on and not feel guilt.

7. Finding out the sex of my baby created a bond immediately when going through PND

8. Creating a plan of exercise as its important for me. I love exercise and its about the feeling u get from it and not the weight loss per say.

9. Telling people how I felt, not feeling ashamed of having it or for feeling that I was a failure. It chooses you, not the other way round. Reaching out and wanting to get help means I will be there for my child later on. They aren’t going to remember any of the tears etc or the not wanting to be with them.

10. Getting out, seeing friends and making plans. The mornings were and still are difficult for me but as a person who needs structure, I try as much as I can to put in at least a few activities a week. Going to the park, walking, rhyme time at libraries, the parent cafe on a Wednesday here where I live etc.

11. Getting time for me to read, see friends, being kind to myself.

12. I have up breast feeding as the lack of sleep was adding to my PND. Again, the guilt could have been there but I needed to make a decision which would benefit both me and my son. When I started feeling better, I was expressing a but to see if my milk would continue to come in and it is still there so I put him to my breast for comfort which is for both of us.

13. Writing has helped me stay connected especially in the days when I Haven’t got anything planned but this provides a distraction.

14. TWITTER! I can’t thank the people on there enough. I have had amazing support and I’m glad I can give that back.

15. Making sure that I ate, and included fruit and veg in my diet. It’s easy to pick convenience food, chocolate etc but it doesn’t do anything for your mind. There are a lot of feel good food’s out there like banana’s, nuts, spinach etc.
dried fruit as well.

16. Showering each morning and getting dressed as first priority because it makes a huge difference to your day. I don’t know why but it does. If you’re worried about your child crying, bring the bouncer in to the bathroom or bring them in. I also feel more relaxed second time round if he cries. As long as he is safe and I’m not gone for a long time, I can handle it if he cries. Not everyone can and that’s perfectly normal and ok, do what YOU feel comfortable with not what some one else may or may not be.

I guess what’s different us that last time I didn’t have twitter, Skype and the first child is more of a shock to the system. I knew what to look out for this time and I was proactive. Not everyone is aware and to those people I say, trust your gut. If you feel that things aren’t quite right, ask for help. Be vocal until someone listens and remember that you aren’t to blame and you will get through it. Use social media, friends,family etc because the quicker you deal with it, the quicker you can get through it.

I had amazing support from friends, one of which always made sure she saw me at least once a week and I can’t thank her enough. A long with my amazing husband, they both added to the recovery in a huge way.

I hope this helps anyone going through PND.
My contact details are on my blog should anyone want to chat. My ear is always available and I want people to know that they aren’t alone and don’t have to go through it alone.

Colic…as welcome as a fart in an airtight room

So.. according to the doctor, bubblebutt has Colic.  He has become unsetttled throughout the day unless in the car, is pulling his knees up, trouble getting wind up, his little hands go into fists, he cries and is really a grumpy wee thing that I cant really do anything for.

I had heard of this before as a friends daughter had it when she was born and it sounded horrendous but not something that I could relate to as Thunderpants was a really good baby who took things in her stride, didn’t even get upset when she was teething etc.  So you can imagine that it has come as quite a shock to us and I take back any moans that I ever had previously of our first child cause man was that easy compared to the hell we are all experiencing right now.

It usually gets bad around the 03:00am feed, I can’t seem to settle him and just when I think I have, he wakes up crying again. My whole body tenses, I panic, get angry and just feel general despair. I cry too as its hard to see him like that, I feel guilt that the husband has to get up because he has work and ends up sleeping in which makes him feel bad for not getting work done and ts all a vicious circle. I keep repeating to myself that it will pass and I know that it will but its really very hard and I can see why it gets parents down and can cause things such as PND.

I can’t seem to enjoy the wee man at the moment, it isn’t right that he should go through this pain for someone so little. I was lucky enough to be told about cranial osteopathy from someone on twitter. I booked an appointment for tomorrow but there was a cancellation for today and I took him up at 11:00am. Unfortunately it was when he was due a feed and I forgot to bring a bottle with me. I have another appointment on Thursday which is free of charge and I am hoping that she can settle him but I did notice that he was a bit better after the appointment.

So right now I am running on empty as is everyone else in the house, I feel sorry for Thunderpants as she is being woken too but she is most understanding and if I have a wee break down she soothes me and the baby! She’s a wee smasher and I am so lucky that shes such a sweetheart, don’t know what I would do without her 🙂 I know in a few months we will look back on this as a distant memory but right now its a living hell.


Two Weeks on, life with fecker.. Aka “Bubblebutt”

Ok, so through sleep deprivation we are a little over two weeks and I only just registered his birth yesterday but I ain’t super woman… Apparently. Although a lovely woman in soft play said to me yesterday when learning how old he was “well done you on getting out”. That comment really made my day.

I am glad to say that life is calming down on the PND side, I filled my week with visits to friends houses as well as soft play, and meeting some girls from work which fair cheered me up especially after my bad experience of bringing Bubblebutt in and the reaction I had, they told me not to worry about it and really put my mind at ease. I also had a good laugh and gossip and they bought some lovely presents for the little one… I still find mornings quite stressful because I have Thunderpants to get to school and she is really slow in the morning (bless her, shes a dreamer), I don’t like to get the husband up as he does the night feeds and then has to go to work and he deals with most of the griping as well. I’m also having one day a week at home and I am pleased to report that it went well and was really needed after such a busy week. I felt good to achieve the registration of the birth, dentist for Thunderpants,sending away the CHB form, taking clothes back to a shop and getting to soft play and then a meet up in the evening. I did do far too much yesterday and I won’t make that mistake again, so I balanced it out with a nap today. I even managed to do a wee interview with the BBC on PND which will air on Sunday morning.

The only thing that hasn’t calmed down is that there seems to be issues with sleeping at night adn even some times during the day. I don’t know if its wind/reflux/or a bit of colic but I will see the doctor next week and see if its any of those or just him adjusting to the world around him… If it is, he better get used to it soon before he gets launched out the window (kidding). We changed his milk to a comfort milk and also started using infacol, which seemed to help him but last night was a nightmare and we have purchased some colief in hope that it helps even more to settle him.

So tonight is date night in our house although we aren’t going anywhere , just spending some time with one another, watching a film and talking.. I feel like I miss my husband despite living in the same house so we are making time once a week at least, to spend together if the little fecker lets us….



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