I’m in labour…Part One of Birth Story

I started having contractions at 20:50 but thought it was just gas due to feeling pain in my back… My uncomfortable feelings and repeating “ow” every 10 mins, then became very sore and within 1.5 hrs they went to every 2/3 mins and were incredibly strong. I had never felt pain like it, not even when I’d had thunderpants.

I realise that every pregnancy and labour is different, enough to never EVER experience it again. I couldn’t believe that when we left the house, I was ready to push and knew that if we didn’t get to the hospital soon, that we would be gifting the new extension of the motorway in Glasgow with a baby boy… I could feel him coming down and was resisting the urge to push all the way to the hospital and couldn’t deal with it much longer that when getting out of the car, I did indeed, push.

I screamed for my husband to get someone as I was paralysed to the spot and he came out with a chair on wheels. I had no idea how the hell I was going to manoeuvre myself in to it but he and the midwife shoved me In It sideways. At the time, poor Thunderpants was watching all of this completely horrified..

In I went to the labour suite rather than maternity assessment and waiting for my contraction to go, I managed to get my jeans off and into the bed. He was then born on the third push… Husband missed the birth as he needed to travel the quick few mins to drop off Thunderpants, in all I arrived and have birth within 8 minutes!

It was pretty traumatic for both N and I, I had lost a lot of blood, took no pain relief not even any gas and air because it was just that quick and I had a 2nd degree wound plus a few other things which resulted in man hands in the lady garden which really wasnt ready for potting season!My midwife was lovely, really amazing and she took her time explaining everything, there was no rush and a completely more chilled out experience than the first time…..

Farking Labour

Due to insomnia, my thoughts turn to labour. That roller coaster which despite wanting to get off you have no choice but to ride the beast to the end.

Don’t get me wrong, my last experience was good, well as good as it can be when someone sticks what can only be described as a knitting needle up ones vagina which then makes you feel as though you’ve peed yourself in front of people that you’ve only just met.. Normally Saturday night for some.

Yes, as far as having another few strangers keep an on eye on your most private of areas or as I like to call it , being on “vag watch”, it went ok. So why am I up at the crack of dawn whilst my little one sleeps soundly beside me? Well because I’m thinking that I had it too easy first time round.

I had my waters broken for me as Thunderpants was in distress and then put on a drip which took ages to get in as my veins are so bad. I was high as a kite talking to the midwife about how I would prefer to go out running and then giving her a run down on my sisters and their countless marathons that they had completed but that I was still to do one myself.

After she left, I had my good friend “gas and air” which they promised would be my buddy for the next how ever long it would be before my baby made her appearance…. They were wrong. I hated and never got the buzz I was promised. Oh the disappointment! I remember having to go for a pee at one point and taking my not so welcome friend with me,having a contraction and thinking I was shouting for help, when only it must have just been a whisper cause no one came. I felt so hard done by!

When I returned to the labour suite, and the contractions increased, I was told to “stop shouting “! and “concentrate more in pushing”! , well knock me down with a fucking feather, how would you feel if you were in the middle of listening to a Chris Moyles breakfast show and it got turned over to fucking Saga FM!? Jesus Christ!

Finally after 5hrs in labour (I know, right!?), Thunderpants was born. I don’t remember a lot of what happened after that, apart from going back in to the loo, having a shower and texting folk. Apparently my best friend who worked at that hospital at the time, saw and waved but I have no recollection.

Fast forward to now, I’m worrying that if it lasted 5 hrs last time and they say the second goes quicker, what the hell happens if I can’t get to the hospital on time?! What happens when your waters break?! How are babies made??? (Lol of course I’m kidding at the last bit). In the name of the wee man!!!! Tell me people!!!!

I currently await any responses …… 😉

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