Ok, so through sleep deprivation we are a little over two weeks and I only just registered his birth yesterday but I ain’t super woman… Apparently. Although a lovely woman in soft play said to me yesterday when learning how old he was “well done you on getting out”. That comment really made my day.
I am glad to say that life is calming down on the PND side, I filled my week with visits to friends houses as well as soft play, and meeting some girls from work which fair cheered me up especially after my bad experience of bringing Bubblebutt in and the reaction I had, they told me not to worry about it and really put my mind at ease. I also had a good laugh and gossip and they bought some lovely presents for the little one… I still find mornings quite stressful because I have Thunderpants to get to school and she is really slow in the morning (bless her, shes a dreamer), I don’t like to get the husband up as he does the night feeds and then has to go to work and he deals with most of the griping as well. I’m also having one day a week at home and I am pleased to report that it went well and was really needed after such a busy week. I felt good to achieve the registration of the birth, dentist for Thunderpants,sending away the CHB form, taking clothes back to a shop and getting to soft play and then a meet up in the evening. I did do far too much yesterday and I won’t make that mistake again, so I balanced it out with a nap today. I even managed to do a wee interview with the BBC on PND which will air on Sunday morning.
The only thing that hasn’t calmed down is that there seems to be issues with sleeping at night adn even some times during the day. I don’t know if its wind/reflux/or a bit of colic but I will see the doctor next week and see if its any of those or just him adjusting to the world around him… If it is, he better get used to it soon before he gets launched out the window (kidding). We changed his milk to a comfort milk and also started using infacol, which seemed to help him but last night was a nightmare and we have purchased some colief in hope that it helps even more to settle him.
So tonight is date night in our house although we aren’t going anywhere , just spending some time with one another, watching a film and talking.. I feel like I miss my husband despite living in the same house so we are making time once a week at least, to spend together if the little fecker lets us….
This morning I feel no dread. For anyone who has experienced post natal depression and hates waking up to the routine of sterilising bottles, making up formula,breast feeding, etc etc, the “routine” of it all can be quite depressing. Well it is for me.
However, I got up at 07:30am with thunderpants, made us both breakfast whilst bubble butt was still sleeping and finished as he was waking. I think I want to do this each morning as it helped get us ready but at a not so rushed pace… Although we just made it in time as thunderpants is a dreamer and needs 5 asks before she will get dressed etc.
So today will involve a doc appointment, coffee with a friend, possibly some yoga and a walk to school as its so sunny outside.
One day at a time is proving to be successful, and I am definitely getting there. Thanks to twitter and friends, I have really had a lot of support which I want to reward once completely better.
Yesterday started off with tears.. In the playground as I dropped thunderpants off. I was sad to leave her knowing that she was off in to the world , happy and unknowing of what kind of day lay ahead for me. But I told myself that I was being selfish, I was trying to satisfy my needs etc.
I came home and tried to hide the tears from my husband but the more I tried the faster they came. I apologized for being upset trying to come up with excuses, reasons for it happening and promising that I will get better soon. He though, told me to stop all of that, and that he feels that i am not as bad as I seem to think and that things will get better that it won’t be like this forever. He is my rock.
I had an appointment scheduled for 1pm at the Mother and Baby Unit, i left at 12:30 and met with one of the nurses who talked with me for over an hour. We are going to try and get the same doctor who did my CBT and do some top up sessions, and I was told that I would be fully supported by the unit and to call any time. I felt a bit more settled and reassured and I have to say that today has been a better day. I talked with the midwife who came out, as well as my husband and although I had a little cry it was more for relief than anything.
I have been given a new anti biotic though which brings my total pill intake up to 10… I don’t think I have ever been on so many pills at one time..
So this is where I am at just now.. having good days and bad. I think when I have a bad day it makes it more difficult to cope or to believe that I will get better but then i immediately turn that thought into a positive one and look a the good that I have achieved in that particular day such as getting out of the house, or doing some cooking, visiting or having friends over. With every negative, there are more positives and its that which is going to help me beat this..
I started having contractions at 20:50 but thought it was just gas due to feeling pain in my back… My uncomfortable feelings and repeating “ow” every 10 mins, then became very sore and within 1.5 hrs they went to every 2/3 mins and were incredibly strong. I had never felt pain like it, not even when I’d had thunderpants.
I realise that every pregnancy and labour is different, enough to never EVER experience it again. I couldn’t believe that when we left the house, I was ready to push and knew that if we didn’t get to the hospital soon, that we would be gifting the new extension of the motorway in Glasgow with a baby boy… I could feel him coming down and was resisting the urge to push all the way to the hospital and couldn’t deal with it much longer that when getting out of the car, I did indeed, push.
I screamed for my husband to get someone as I was paralysed to the spot and he came out with a chair on wheels. I had no idea how the hell I was going to manoeuvre myself in to it but he and the midwife shoved me In It sideways. At the time, poor Thunderpants was watching all of this completely horrified..
In I went to the labour suite rather than maternity assessment and waiting for my contraction to go, I managed to get my jeans off and into the bed. He was then born on the third push… Husband missed the birth as he needed to travel the quick few mins to drop off Thunderpants, in all I arrived and have birth within 8 minutes!
It was pretty traumatic for both N and I, I had lost a lot of blood, took no pain relief not even any gas and air because it was just that quick and I had a 2nd degree wound plus a few other things which resulted in man hands in the lady garden which really wasnt ready for potting season!My midwife was lovely, really amazing and she took her time explaining everything, there was no rush and a completely more chilled out experience than the first time…..