Magic Moments:7/10/2013

magic moments

 

Phew! its been a while since I last linked up.. thats due to a blogging break, stress and a trip home. Its all been a bit manic but in this post I will explain a bit more.. it all contributes to my magic moment.

I am Canadian , some of you know that and some of you don’t.. I chose to leave my parents, friends,some family and come to Scotland to live when I was 15yrs old for many differen’t reasons.. some of which are haunting me now but thats another post.

Anyway, one of my best friends and I have this strange tradition of surprising one another. It started on New years eve 2005.. I think.. Thats my best friends birthday and with her husband and friends back home, we concocted a plan which resulted in a dinner being planned and me being wrapped up in a box as her birthday present. Since then , she surprised me when I was pregnant in 2007 with my now 6 yr old and it was my turn this year.

I had to go home due to my Dad’s ill health and I thought I would turn some of that visit into a positive experience too. So I told no one apart from my parents and her best friend as well as another one of my best friends. I have known Lisa(BF in question), since I was 4 yrs old.. we are now 35yrs old and still going stroong. She means a lot to me, but it isn’t just her that made this so special but also my other best friend Christine. She picked me up and let me stay a few nights and also was taxi for me and Bubblebutt. She too means a lot and the three of us will be friends for life. I got to meet her daughter for the first time and we had a lot of fun together, as her daughter reminds me a lot of mine.

My other friend Erin, helped to keep it all secret and I also stayed with her one of the nights, she took me out to see some of the old familiar sights , let me ventand even took Bubblebutt for a whole day so that I could let off some steam.  She is an amazing person and so fantastic with kids and always made herself available if I needed her.

It was a hard trip, I had to leave my husband and 6yr old here and i am terrified of flying, plus it was the first time that Bubblebutt had been on a plane.. I had flown with Thunderpants when she was 7 weeks old and she was fine but he is 7months and more active, I thought I was headed for disaster but he was absolutely fine. All of these things made it wasier for what was a very difficult trip.

I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends and I will let you watch the video as it explains a lot…..IMG_1103

Thank you to theoliversmadhouse for this lovely linky

The one where she jumps into our bed

Let me tell you a story..a story about why some people should never drink if they can’t handle their alcohol…

Once upon a summers eve, the husband and I were socialising at a “friends” house and having some wine, enjoying the sun as you do, a night unusual for Scotland and all was right in the world.

The night was going well, good company … questionable but ok. I say questionable when two things made me check if my luggs (ears) , Had heard right…conversation was flowing until we discussed my role as a volunteer in a tape crisis centre. My “friend” then turned to me and asked “my mum and I were talking about how you volunteer at the centre, and we were wondering if you’d been raped”? I was thinking “come again”?! I was surprised that someone would be so bold as to ask such a personal question. The answer was no but that I had supported someone as a friend and I had wanted to volunteer for quite some time with them as they are an amazing organisation. I at this point decided to swallow my surprise/shock and the urge to shout out “Jesus h tap dancing Christ”! Did you just ask me that, you crack monkey?!

But stay tuned readers cause it gets worse, much worse….her sperm burper of a husband said to me as I was having a laugh with my husband as we do, and said “are you going to let her talk to you like that”? Hold me back hands of satan, that’s like a red rag to a bull… Especially as this bull is a feminist…. I asked him if he’d prefer a woman chained to the kitchen sink… The asshat didn’t get it.

Later when the night came to an end and we said our goodbyes, the husband and I had a good chuckle walking the short distance to our house. We put Thunderpants to bed and I left the husband in the livingroom to go to sleep as I had work in the morning.

Approximately 5 mins later, the door went. There stood wacky wilma in tears saying shed had an argument with the husband and could she stay at ours for the night. She had walked over in her bare feet, and as I was dazed and confused, I had agreed, got her blankets and then went to bed with the husband. That was not to last….

Twenty minutes later, SHE CLIMBED IN TO BED with us. I shit you not! I literally threw the husband out of bed, asked her what the hell she was doing and sprang out my bed like there was a hot poker shoved up my ass.

She ended up passing out in my bed, although not sure why as we hadn’t consumed much more than a bottle between us and figured they’d had more after we left…

The next morning, she asked me to drop her home like nothing had happened and as she exited the car asked “can I still come to your hen night”? Seriously.

Feeling Good

This morning I feel no dread. For anyone who has experienced post natal depression and hates waking up to the routine of sterilising bottles, making up formula,breast feeding, etc etc, the “routine” of it all can be quite depressing. Well it is for me.

However, I got up at 07:30am with thunderpants, made us both breakfast whilst bubble butt was still sleeping and finished as he was waking. I think I want to do this each morning as it helped get us ready but at a not so rushed pace… Although we just made it in time as thunderpants is a dreamer and needs 5 asks before she will get dressed etc.

So today will involve a doc appointment, coffee with a friend, possibly some yoga and a walk to school as its so sunny outside.

One day at a time is proving to be successful, and I am definitely getting there. Thanks to twitter and friends, I have really had a lot of support which I want to reward once completely better.

The Ups&Downs of PND

Yesterday started off with tears.. In the playground as I dropped thunderpants off. I was sad to leave her knowing that she was off in to the world , happy and unknowing of what kind of day lay ahead for me. But I told myself that I was being selfish, I was trying to satisfy my needs etc.

I came home and tried to hide the tears from my husband but the more I tried the faster they came. I apologized for being upset trying to come up with excuses, reasons for it happening and promising that I will get better soon. He though, told me to stop all of that, and that he feels that i am not as bad as I seem to think and that things will get better that it won’t be like this forever. He is my rock.

I had an appointment scheduled for 1pm at the Mother and Baby Unit, i left at 12:30 and met with one of the nurses who talked with me for over an hour. We are going to try and get the same doctor who did my CBT and do some top up sessions, and I was told that I would be fully supported by the unit  and to call any time. I felt a bit more settled and reassured and I have to say that today has been a better day. I talked with the midwife who came out, as well as my husband and although I had a little cry it was more for relief than anything.

I have been given a new anti biotic though which brings my total pill intake up to 10… I don’t think I have ever been on so many pills at one time..

So this is where I am at just now.. having good days and bad. I think when I have a bad day it makes it more difficult to cope or to believe that I will get better but then i immediately turn that thought into a positive one and look a the good that I have achieved in that particular day such as getting out of the house, or doing some cooking, visiting or having friends over. With every negative, there are more positives and its that which is going to help me beat this..

 

PND Progress….

Its been 2 days since I had the conversation with the midwife. She was true to her word and called the doctor yesterday morning as well as the mother and baby unit which  got the wheels in motion and began the start of my recovery.

I went in at 10:30am and spoke to the doctor about how I was feeling, whilst i was there he also dictated an email to his secretary to send off that afternoon and although he knew that the midwife had also made contact, he said that it wouldn’t hurt. I think it was at this time I finally saw a change in the “system” and how different it had been from my previous experience with PND. I came away with an increased dose of anti depressants, vitamin C, folic acid and iron tablets.

After that, I went to the chemist, did a food shop and visited with a friend who conveniently lives on my street, productive day. I started yesterday morning off in tears as i couldn’t get Thunderpants organized in time for school, couldn’t find her gym shorts and was in a blind panic with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t want her to go to school and leave me alone, I didn’t want my husband to go to work.. I just wanted to be with my family but life goes on and I had to face up to everything.

I’m pleased to say that the day ended on a better note.. kind of. I had to go back tot he doctors as I was having very bad headaches , feeling cold and generally unwell. The doc took my blood pressure and it turned out that it was very high and started me on tablets right away. I went home and took a bath , made a few calls and was trying to relax.. and that was when the clots started. I called NHS 24, spoke to a nurse 2 hrs later and was told to attend the out of hours service but I really should have contacted the midwives, unbeknown to me. … So off I went and I was told that i had an infection in my womb. Another course of tablets making it 8 prescriptions in total. But I was feeling better mentally. I may rattle if you push me with the amount of tablets that I have to take but its all for a good reason and i wonder how much has also contributed to my low mood.

Today my best friend came over with food to make sure that I was eating, and also an ear to listen. She has this knack of making me feel better , that my thoughts are valid and not silly despite the nonsense that I have had going round and round my head. She really listens and offers me so much support, I don’t know what I would do without her, a real star and I know that I could say anything to her and she wouldn’t judge or be shocked.

My husband and midwife said things today which has made me thing about my experience this time round. He said that I don’t remember how I was then but he does, and that I am definitely doing better as when I came home from hospital with Thunderpants, I hit a wall, lay on the couch, didn’t want to look or have anything to do with my daughter where as now I am as involved as he is. The midwife also pointed out that if I was the same or really bad, my husband wouldn’t be have gone back to work as he would have been too worried that I couldn’t cope.

There are so many differences this time round, I don’t feel that I am as bad as last time and I did the right thing by speaking out, as it got me help right away, I have an appointment with the mother and baby unit tomorrow and I have also found out that there is a group being run on a Wednesday morning that I will go a long to. For me its about searching for things to do, being  proactive and using any resources which are available.

 

 

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