Yesterday I had another appointment with the psychology dept to see how things were going since I last met before the baby was due.
The usual questions which are important such as any suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming myself, the baby or anyone else and do I hear voices, how is my eating and sleeping patterns etc.
Now, I know that I am over depression but the anxiety is there but that’s also something that I have had for years, can recognise and thanks to CBT , I can work through although not always successfully but no one is perfect.
So I volunteered the info and was told that we can increase my level of sertraline to which I responded with that as my 6wk check is due in 2 weeks, I was hoping to get the all clear for exercise and had done some yoga the night before that made me feel good, that I felt it would be right to hold off. I was met with a bit if reluctance and was told “you were never really keen about medication, were you”? The answer is , no not really but I know it has its positives and will take it in order to improve.
I was asked a few questions such as “do you feel refreshed after sleep”? Errr… With a 4 week old and a 5 year old , are you serious?! Again I was questioned about increasing my medication….
I was then asked if there are times in the day that I felt more anxious and I said that the mornings were harder due to getting a new born fed and a 5year old to school on time and that as my husband did the night feeds and needed to be at work in the AM, it made more sense for him to sleep on.
It wasnt acknowledged that he was supportive, and that getting two kids up would naturally be stressful even without PND, or that it’s great that I can get two kids out the door for 8:30am.. It was “well an increase in medication would help that” what part of “No, I’m feeling good and empowered that I’m no longer depressed, I’m getting out, seeing people and I’m bonding with my son, and I contacted YOU, the team that are here to help, do you not understand”?!
I was then told that I would be called in a week or two to see how I was doing and if I needed my medication increased!! WTF?! I was also told that I appeared a bit more “flat”, then our previous meeting a few months ago… I am sleep deprived for goodness sake! I already said that I am enjoying life again, no despair and I know that sleep etc will come back again.
I feel like I wasn’t listened to or that the positives weren’t taken in to account which is a shame… Other staff would have been more encouraging because I have encountered it but I’m not too keen on the approach taken by this individual at all which is a shame since they do some amazing work at the unit.