Last night when I was browsing Facebook, I came across a friends page and she had started a discussion relating to a mother who had murdered her child due to mental health issues, suspected PND. I was reading through the various comments and decided to respond, to try and help people understand that it isn’t always black and white, although very tragic and shouldn’t happen but that it does.
I was not ready for the tirade of abuse that I was hit with by one of her friends telling me that I was a “sicko”, because I had thoughts when unwell of harming my child. She went on to try to justify that women with Perinatal Mental Health issues should not have anymore children and myself included within this(I am pregnant right now), and that as I had studied psychology and counselling that I should have recognized the signs and put a stop to them immediately. Really.
I challenged her and asked if someone who had cancer, should they not have it due to recognizing the signs and therefore is she blaming people for being sick? She didn’t really answer any of the challenges that I had put her way, this a girl who will go out at weekends and take some pretty hard drugs but then judge me on being a bad parent in her eyes? Its amazing the amount of double standards, especially when said that she would never have thoughts of doing things to her kids because she has as she put it “unconditional love” for her two kids. I believe this was a phrase that she picked out of the air. A parent who has PND or Perinatal Mental Health issues, is not lacking in love, if anything we try so hard to forge that bond and to force a feeling that doesn’t always come automatically. It isn’t something we choose when the child is born just something that happens for many different reasons and can’t just be explained by hormones.
I know that she is a small minority of people who feel that way,she has informed me that I need help because I empathize with those who have murdered their children or have harmed their kids. I asked that she educate herself on how the system can fail some women and the pattern of events which lead to the devastation and desperation which can follow. Instead I was was hit with ” you have too much time on your hands love” I may have a lot of time to explore and to try to understand but that’s because I feel that through helping others, it can change the above attitudes which really needs challenging.
I have since stopped myself from conversing with her as you just need to pick your own battles in life and realistically there are some people who you just cant get through to. Maybe she might be slightly more aware but I’m not holding my breath. I did however ask that she view the MAWS video to try to be open minded, but I did say to her that I was possibly clutching at straws. Will she watch it? I doubt it but I can rest easy knowing that I have walked away with pride that I have challenged a warped way of thinking but in a calm and respectable way.