Category Archives: Post Natal Depression

Body Coach Week 1

A week today, I started with The Body Coach, Joe Wicks plan to transform my body but most importantly, to teach myself more about nutrition and about getting back into exercise.

This week has been a learning curve… some good days and some bad. I had wine last wk, but rather than drinking alcohol 2-3 nights a wk, I’m only drinking once a week. The motivation to get my shit together so to speak, meant that I didn’t follow my usual , post alcohol routine of eating rubbish the next day.

I was TOTALLY on plan AND working the next day which is usually a combination of pure mayhem. Due to “prepping like a boss”, I had loads of food at my disposal and it was great. I wasn’t hungry at all and I even went for a run before I started on shift.

However, with the good comes the not so good but that’s totally my doing and I’m not being negative. Here’s why…. I haven’t read the plan completely and digested (pardon the pun), all of the info especially the all important SWAP function. I’ve had lot on with clients and normal work, but the positive flip side is that although I went off plan twice , 1 with wine and yesterday cause I was tired after 3 nights in a row with insomnia. BUT, no crisps, chocolate, cakes or anything sugary has passed these lips.

I am going to have 1 night a wk which will be social and I’m allowing myself some wine. My exercise has been what it should be, water intake amazing and although I may extend the plan by 2 days, it’s really nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I’ve had wobbles because really, it’s a huge amount of info to take in. The preparation is key. I can’t stress this enough. You won’t succeed if you don’t prep…. unless you’re totally laid back and have minimal commitments, which it’s the complete opposite of my life.

I’m also lucky that my friend Jo is my constant source of support as well as the Facebook groups that I’ve mentioned. A week in and my mindset and willpower has changed and in the best possible way.

Insomnia,Sugar Withdrawal& Realisations

It’s Friday morning, 03:30am and I’m up…. I’m currently going through my Body Coach 90 Day SSS Plan and really reading it through. I went to bed last night around 21:00 and when I do that, I generally wake at this time before getting back to sleep again around 5am. Not good when you have a small child to look after and the school run to do but hey ho… it’s probably temporary.

I had a bad first day I of the plan, or should I saw half day? Yes, half day. I got up before my alarm and then did my HIIT with the dog as my faithful work out partner. I came home, had my build up bagel and then went for a sleep after prepping some pancakes.

About an hour later, I went to bed for a few hours as I was really tired which meant that I missed lunch and before I could have it, I needed to go and do the school run. I was “hangry”. It was then that I just started feeling dreadful… I found a group on Facebook and they kindly let me join and answered some questions that I had.

It seems that despite not having sugar much in my diet, I may be going through a bit of a withdrawal but also a codeine one as I was using it a lot due to pulling my back a few wks ago. This lightbulb moment only occurred to me a few mins or so ago.

My skin feels itchy, I feel like I have the flu, my anxiety levels are high, I have a sore head and I just feel generally like shit.

However, I have thought a lot about my goals and what I want to achieve and why I signed up for this. In hindsight another revelation was that I achieve most of my goals because I’m an incredibly driven person and I fear failure. The things that I have set my mind to have been incredible and things I have put myself through both mentally and physically …. well there’s been a lot, but one thing I haven’t been able to master is my weight.

My weight gain came after my daughter was born and I was experiencing post natal depression. I did manage to lose a bit and I was doing well but the depression took over as did the increase of alcohol (I wasn’t an alcoholic but consumed probably more than I would normally), and with that, the poor food choices and the lack of energy to be active. I see this clearly now for what it is.

When my Dad suddenly passed away 3 years ago, the same thing happened… alcohol and food to numb out the feelings… also the so called “fun nights” with bad choices and what I thought to be self confidence. As I write this, I am shedding a few tears because things suddenly start making sense… I can and I will do this… I’m in the frame of mind and although I know there will be some “hiccups” along the way, it’s not going to be any worse than the rock bottom that I have experienced in the past.

So just to wrap things up before trying to get to sleep…

• I can do this, there is enough food (poss too much) and anyone reading this, YOU can do this!

• Sugar withdrawal is a bastard

• Food prep is good but don’t get the fear if you can’t! Even if it’s just a breakfast or snack, it does help.

• Swap! use the tool that allows for this because life is too short to be eating things you don’t want to eat!

• You will achieve your goal, and sometimes it takes some sugar withdrawal and insomnia, for clarification

• We are controlled by our emotions when making food and alcohol choices, more than we might want to admit.

• If you know that you don’t like a certain food, swap the ass out of it! I made a salmon ball thing and it was rank. To me. I fucking hate salmon with a passion. The dog got that.

So that wraps up day 1… I may not blog everyday but you can find me and my ramblings over on Instagram! I’m now off to wax the tache, shave my legs and go back to sleep!

My Journey to Doula Training

I know I said that I wouldn’t do much more this year in terms of studying because I needed a break after obtaining my level 3 Diploma in Complementary Therapies this year but I had a thought which would help me achieve my overall dream of helping women who require emotional support post and pre natally.

You see, it all makes sense … where my path has taken me. It was always going to lead me to here, I know this now. I was registered for the level 3 diploma over 3 years ago but when I became pregnant with my son and went through hyperemises again followed by prenatal and post natal anxiety and depression… it wasn’t possible. It was meant to be though and it was in my life path to go through those experiences. Especially now as I sign up for a course commencing in November in Belfast, to become a Doula.

I also did a diploma in pregnancy massage a few weeks ago, which will help both pre natally and post natally. I will be able to help physically via massage and somewhat mentally with my small counselling qualification. 

I have also submitted a volunteer application form to massage women in the Mother and Baby unit in Leverndale and if successful,I will be able to help women with anxiety and depression via the healing powers of massage and essential oils.

A few folk have looked at me as if I’m crazy but until you experience ill health when pregnant and after giving birth, it’s apparent that emotional support is a major factor in becoming well again.

I don’t wish to gain much in the way of monetary value at all, I’d like to help those who don’t have family/friends around them or are on low incomes but really need emotional support. I’d also had an idea when I worked with a womens support project recently, for one of the councils. Having volunteered in the past for the Rape Crisis centre in Glasgow, is also like to work with women who have experienced rape, sexual assault and abuse. 

Everything has led to these plans. From the PND, the studying counselling and Comp Therapies, and applying for mental health nursing…. the universe has been supporting me all along. I just had to experience things for myself:) I am really looking forward to starting my Doula course in November and I think that the women I meet on the course will bring valid and amazing stories and experiences to the group. I can’t wait to hear all about it!

Best wishes. X

Cool for the summer


Wow! Where has time gone and what have you all been doing? If, like me your summer was incredibly busy and you feel as though you haven’t had time to even wipe your own arse, it’s maybe time to just sit down and take stock and BREATHE!
For us, we had decided against going home to Canada and instead have a bit of a stay- cation with friends who came over from Canada! We did so much in 11 days than I could ever imagine. From camping, to Crieff Hydro,to Ireland, Mull and the highlands – we did it all. I think my body and mind couldn’t keep up but we made memories with the kids and that’s what’s most important.



So what am I doing now? Ooft! Still working in my normal job whilst trying to build a business in massage and complementary therapies. I’m doing clients for urban massage, neighbours and friends in my wee “clinic” in the back garden AND, I even have a room in a salon. 


I have decided not to go back to college this year as it’s the boys last year before school and I want to spend it with him instead of being a stressed out ball of anxiety and all sorts of stress! I am picking up other courses which don’t have me out of action for a year, such as pregnancy massage and possibly sports therapy. 


It’s funny, life a year ago was so different and after doing this course,it’s taken me into so many different directions and opened up some amazing doors and possibilities. There were some who  told me that I was doing too much and tried to persuade me not to continue.. Luckily I have either kept my distance from their negativity or cut them out of my life completely. It’s great to banish that kid of energy from life!

I’m excited to see what life throws at us next! 

No homework for my kids.

I’ve been reading a few blogs, interacting with people on Twitter and the latter half of this year was spent telling my daughters teacher that she would not be doing homework.

I could tell by her facial expression that she either didn’t agree or had an opinion on it but possibly didn’t want to explore that as we are given only 10mins (at max), when doing parent -teacher meetings. That in itself tells you a lot about the school curriculum in Scotland…

I know I’m probably seen as that weird trouble making parent in the playground (and to the head teacher , especially when in the past I may have told her that I’m a recovering Catholic and it’s a catholic school) who rather than fit in with the parents/carers with their matching furniture/wall paper/car etc ,sings the praises of their children almost every week via social media (when actually we know how little Betty and Tommy are just as much the shit disturber as ours can be),would much rather survive each day of parenting… Without having to pull out my hair … but to be honest  I couldn’t give a rats ass about being in the parenting “in” crowd.I haven’t for a while and that in itself is liberating. I like that I don’t have to make small talk now with folk that I really don’t have much in common with and can just pick up my child and get on with my life. Sounds harsh but I just haven’t got the time to get involved with the latest gossip.

Back to the point of this post, I digress, yes! Homework… My child went to nursery and then on to school which means that from the age of 3, she has been in the system. Ok, partly our choice as I had wanted to go back to studying again. However, it is a system that constantly tells our young people that you need to do all of these things like go to university and/or college,in order to feel like you have achieved. To use correct punctuation or people will make fun of you and they will define you as a person if you get it wrong and posts “meme’s” on Facebook so that you and your friends can collectively belittle a person to satisfy your own insecurities and ego. Seen it happen loads of time and I actually pity those who do this regularly.  Yes,I wouldlovefor my children to goto college and univerity to study if they want to and I thoroughly encourage studying as there is so much to learn in life but if they want to do something else or go into work,I won’t push them because the world adds enough pressure to our lives as it is. People define others by the job they do,house they live in,area they live,car they drive etc.. What about morals,respecting others and your own

Why does my child need to do these things in order to feel like someone who matters? Why do we have to expect them to conform? They are little beings and sometimes I feel that we have too much influence on them and we need to let them express themselves, find out who they are and to grow.  Unfortunately in our society when you do that and let them explore their personalities they can some times not be included with their peers and get treated differently by the school.

Why does this happen and why as parents do we not just say “fuck it”,?! as Fleetwood Mac says “you can go your own way”! Or do as the little bumble bee girl in the video for Blind Melon’s “No Rain” and dance in those puddles under the droplets of rain that falls from the sky! Be different, be you… Show your kids that individuality and not being the same as anyone else, is good! Embrace it! Learn from your kids and let them learn from you! I bet it’s liberating:) trying to build their confidence so that they are comfortable in a society that preys on and makes a business out of our insecurities.

This post may not make sense or cover the actual topic but I tend to go off in a tangent and not follow the rules 😉

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