The Power Of Clean Eating

 IMG_3754.JPG I am approx 2 weeks into my clean eating and exercise regime and I have not only lost weight but I am less anxious and more calm which for me is totally amazing. I have always had anxiety but after PND, it increased and its something that really gets to me. 

With this decrease in anxiety and all that comes with it,  it means more quality time as a family and one to one time with my daughter which I have thoroughly enjoyed and for the first time in a long while, I feel pretty normal. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t completely gone but there certainly is a major change and thats good enough for me.

 I have started trying new foods and including even healthier choices within my diet such as Kale and different types of pulses which I wouldn’t have tried before.  I was never one  to be satisfied by salads as a main meal but this week I found that I was completely full after a kale , asparagus, bacon, and beetroot salad which I found whilst browsing on line. It will be a regular “go to” meal for when I am in a rush and haven’t got much time to prepare which is normal especially due to having two kids in the house!

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 I am also using the slow cooker a lot and today’s dinner was put in (a whole chicken), at 08:00am and was finished for 5pm and the meat just slid off the bone. It was delicious and the only thing I needed to do was add some spices and then boil the veg when it was ready. An easy meal which wasn’t long to prepare , nutritious and I can use the rest of the meat for a curry, salad or fajitas.

Here are some of the meals that I have eaten over the past 2 weeks…

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 I thoroughly encourage following the ethos of clean eating because the benefits are really pretty amazing. It’s not just how I feel mentally but physically too, with healthier skin  and hair as well as more energy for exercise.

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Getting Back To Me Bit By Bit

I have started getting back into running/exercise/gym and healthy eating. I think as spring approaches, I am coming out of hibernation and finally taking control of my eating and exercise habits again. I also have a trip back home to Canada to look forward to and I don’t want to have to hide away in jeans because I’m too ashamed of my weight to wear shorts a dress or a skirt. So I have made a few changes.
 
Nearly 2 weeks ago, I made a decision to give up bread because I have been feeling as though it is making me very bloated. I can go through 2 slices of toast followed by another 2 at lunch if I don’t meal plan and then sometimes I can eat 2 at bedtime. However, I wanted to see what effect – if any, it would have on my stomach and weight.
 
I’m pleased to say that I have felt so much “lighter”, and I have lost 2.5 lbs this week but that might also be down to using my “fitbit”, and following “Slimming World” un oficially. When I had toast in the morning though, I always felt a bit off until about lunch time and I like that I no longer have that feeling. It means that I am eating things like smoothies, porridge, fruit and healthy fry ups – YES , THEY CAN BE MADE :)
 
I’ve also been taking part in a few challenges within the fitbit community and racking up at least 15000 a day which is well over the recommended 10 000. I’m using my couch to 5k app from time to time and eating tremedously well which means my sugar cravings are coming down big time. I can also notice a difference in my moods. Usually around the time of my period, Iget very anxious and angry but this time I dont crave unhealthy foods and I feel more “stable”. I may have the odd 99 calorie milky way or packet of crisps but I don’t really crave it anymore.
 
Another healthy change that I have made is recognising the foods which upset my hiatus hernia, such as citrus fruits which is unfortunate as I love oranges and grapefruit but I just feel like it isn’t worth the discomfort and pain. Next on my list, I am going to try and replace normal milk with almond or rice milk to see if there is any link with that too.  I’m totally into the clean eating thing and am following it as much as possible. If you look at my previous posts, you’ll see that I make everything from scratch which is of great benefit to m

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Abortion and PND

I”ve always been open and honest on this blog and been true to my readers about my experiences with Pre and Post Natal Depression but there was always a part of my story that I kept hidden until now. I think it has been hidden due to fear of judgement and backlash from those who don’t agree or approve but thanks to a chance email from a magazine and also support (once again) , from those lovely folk on twitter.. I have decided to speak out and to try to help other women who have had similar situations.
 
As most people know, I had really bad PND with my  daughter and not so bad pre and post natal depression, with my son. not long after my daughter was born – approx 12 months although can’t be 100% clear as that time for me and my husband , was quite hazy.. despite using contraception , I became pregnant. It was the most devistating news that I could ever receive at that point and I felt as though life was going to take a step back and I was never going to escape the hell that I was still currenlt in. With much talking with my husband and a GP, it was decided that we would have a termination of the pregnancy.
 
I have always had a open view on the subject of abortion and felt that it was the decision of those involved and that it is no ones right or role to judge. My only strong opinion was that no one should EVER use it as a form of contraception. EVER.
 
I went along to the hospital, had the first tablet given to me and wsa to return the next day for the second tablet. It ws at this point that things started going wrong adn I was in immense pain, bleeding more heavily than expected and I had to be given very strong painkillers, and kept in later in the evening. I also had a lot of time to think and to listen to the thoughts in my head, blaming myself and beating myself up for ending a life. I felt immense guilt but it was too late.
 
I think I went through a lot of different emotions because once everything was over, I won’t lie to you but I felt relief. I’m sorry for saying that. To all of you who have lost babies, to me, to anyone that wants children but can’t. I’m sorry but it wasn’t right for us, for me, for my daughter who was already resented at that time. It wasn’t fair for anyone- especially the child that I had growing inside of me but at that point I just wanted rid. It all sounds so harsh but I want to express my feelings and let it all out.
 
Life went on for us and I got better, and we decided to have another child. It wasn’t to be the first , second or third time as all resulted in early miscarriages and I thought that this was my punnishment for having had an abortion and that I missed my chance at having another baby. I then got pregnant with my son and early on I was referred (after tests to see why we were having difficulties conceiving), to the early pregnancy unit due to yet another   suspected miscarriage as I was passing blood. Thankfully though, there was a heart beat and he is a beautiful 2 year old . I did have major bleeding on one ocassion and had to be hospitalised but apart from that and hyperemesis, it went fine with a very quick delivery.
 
I guess by sharing this post, my whole story is out. I want people to know just how devestating and debilitating post and prenatal depression can be. It robs us of emotion, rational thinking, feelings, and lives. I hope that this post will help someone and if anyone has any questions, please feel free to email me or leave a comment.


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Student Days Are Here Again!

At the ripe old age of 37, I will become a student again! I interviewed earlier this week despite having the flu and I must have done something right because they have given me an unconditional offer! 

The course is a diploma – level 3 in Complimentary Therapies.  I was accepted onto this course 2 yrs ago but I had to withdraw as I became pregnant and had hyperemesis and I wasn’t able to leave the house apart for midwife appointments and the odd school run.

I am very excited to be learning again, I think it will go hand in hand with my counselling qualification and my future study of mental health nursing. My plan is also to hopefully work with women who are experiencing prenatal depression, post natal depression and to see if I can return to the rape crisis centre where I’ve volunteered , to work with women who have experienced rape / sexual assault.

It looks like it’s going to be a pretty busy year come this August but it’s worth it to do something that can help people in so many ways. There’s also scope to go on to different courses thereafter such as stress management, baby massage etc.

The other really great things about this course will be the positive impact it will have on us in relation to healthy eating and relaxation! We could all do with a bit of that!

I look forward to writing about my experiences of beoming a student again!

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Parenting and Life

Not long woken and have to say, our child free night was a success. We had grand plans of huge clear outs, organising and ticking off boxes on the “to do” list. We did one or two things and the rest of the night was spent relaxing, eating lovely food, and enjoying each others company. So next time you come to the house, yes it’s going to be clean but show home it is not. For we are two parents of small children, a puppy and now deceased hamster.. Our home is filled with chaos , toys , failed Pinterest projects and LOVE. You’ll get us and our shambolic, messy and shouty house each time you come, that is one “routine” which will never change.

We do things like painting chalkboards on to walls,posting signs of luck to our kids before an event which will impact and shape them, creating book nooks for the kids and letting them strip off the cushions to make forts in the house. We also try to grow things in the back garden, plant flowers too but it very rarely works out. We celebrate our differences and actually TRY to wear odd socks, sometimes the daughters uniform has stains on it (but it’s clean), or she goes to school without brushing her hair(call the police!)I’m certainly no earth mother and live on my nerves but I really try so hard to create fun for us because life is so very short and precious. We have overcome obstacles such as PND, death and a future unknown for a family business but we are still here. No one can predict what happens next for us and I’d rather now just live life as it comes with its constant twists and turns.. Life for us can change from day to day and this is certainly reflected in twitter and facebook updats (much to some peoples annoyance) , but it is what it is and we are are who we are.

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My husband hates that I’m impulsive and I can’t stand that he’s so laid back but it “works”. We argue, and in public too but I don’t see that as a bad thing and we always seem to make up again. I think we are really just winging this whole “parenting/marriage thing and so far so good despite blips every so often but that’s what happens in real life. Like I said, we aren’t perfect. I think “perfect” would be far more exhausting and I’m certainly tired enough as it is. So here it is and here we are.. My family. Us.

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I’m just a mother, we are just a family but we are just good enough.

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