Just nod if you can hear me… No , not a song just a general “hi there and hello”… I’ve been busy. I’ve gone back to work and I’ve been struggling.
You see, the nature of my job requires me to do nightshifts but before I went back to work I asked to change my shifts because I knew that I couldn’t get childcare and I know how they affect me. I was knocked back the other day and told that it doesn’t suit the needs of the business. Yes, the good ol health service is a business. Apparently.
I didn’t take the decision of changing hours lightly because it would mean that I would need to work every weekend. I already work 5 out of 8 and that kills me as it’s less time with the kids and husband but shit happens and I’m thankful that I have a job.
Now though, I’ll probably have to try and take nightshifts (when they fall), at the weekends which means I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. The thing is, there is absolutely nothing that I can do, my hands are tied and well, yeah…
I applied for a new job and it was one that would have fit in perfectly, only thing… It was a zero hour contract. The place looked like it would have been a great company to work for … With social aspects being different to what I’m surrounded with by now. Due to the nature of my current job, you don’t always see the same faces again for weeks on end. In my last job , I had a great bunch of folk surrounding me an I still keep in touch with them. If I left my current role , I can’t say that I would miss anyone in the slightest.
So due to all of this, I did myself attending the doctors later today to discuss my mood. Something I sorted out, had been antidepressant free for a few moths and was feeling great. Now though, I’m not so great .. It happens yes, and I’ll not let it last… But I’m angry that it’s come to this. You shouldn’t have knots in your stomach every time you go into work, feel sick and generally like hell. That’s not right.
Like I said, I’ll pull myself out of it, move on etc as I’m not one to let it get to me…